“Why I’m frustrated and I just want to scream at her!”


I am so sick and tired of mom not making it to the bathroom at night and then having to change her pajamas! She refuses to wear a pad or pull-ups. She is so unreasonable!” 

These were the words of my brother who is the caregiver for mom. Actually, he was a bit more detailed and added some words I can’t print in a post, but I bet you can share his frustration.

On my next visit, when getting ready for bed, mom overlooked the pull-ups lying next to her pajamas and started to get ready.

I asked, “Mom, do you know you have accidents at night?” She had no problem answering “yes” and admitting she has to change her pajamas. I told her that is what the pull-ups were for. Again, she had no problem answering, “They are ugly. I am not going to wear a diaper!”

Finally, a solution…

Oh my, I finally understood. She felt humiliated at the thought of wearing a diaper. And indeed, that is exactly what this huge, white thing looked like. I asked if she would like me to try and find something else and readily agreed.

I found at the drug store some nice pink pullups with flowers and purchased a size that would fit snuggly on her. Then, took all her old underwear out of her drawer and replaced them with the new ones. I laid them out with her pajamas. Again, she overlooked them, and I reminded her to put them on. She said, “But you don’t wear underwear to bed!”  I reminded her of her little problem with the bathroom, she agreed she had the problem and put the pull-ups on. She loved them and said, “They are so pretty!”

Not easy, but manageable…

We still need to lay them out and tell her to put them on because she is not used to wearing underwear with pajamas. However, the lesson learned here is getting to the bottom of the refusal. Sometimes we are so used to adversity that we forget we can solve many problems by getting to the root. Dealing with someone with dementia can make it more challenging; you may have to ask more questions over time. But, in many cases, it can be done.

Caregiving for someone with failing health is an art. Kat Schwarzhoff, who has 30 years of experience in senior care knows exactly what the problem is and has solved it for hundreds of our members.

Now understand, that there is NEVER only one solution. In fact, one solution rarely works. We offer SEVEN solutions until we find the one that works.

Go ahead and connect with Kat at Kat@CaregiverHaven.com and ask her if she has any spots open to help you with your caregiving issues.

If not, then pick up a copy of the ULTIMATE CAREGIVER’S GUIDE | Common Sense Senior Care. It’s our “textbook” every one of our members use to guide them through their senior care experience.

About the Author

Do you feel frustrated with your medical care? Do doctors spend 5 minutes with you, push you out of the office, with you wondering what's going to happen? Does your insurance deny paying? You're not alone. I'm frustrated, too. This is a growing trend in healthcare. Having seen pre-insurance medicine (yes, my dad was an old country doctor), I grew up watching him spend time with his patients, giving them the best care he had to offer. I saw families trust him to help them through hospitalizations and the next crisis. As a patient advocate, my job is to see that you get the right diagnosis, the right treatment plans, and the right supplies and education to make good decisions about your health. More importantly, I will teach you the tricks of the healthcare trade. We need more healthcare consumer protection, especially for chronic illnesses like diabetes. This is what I am passionate about. I make it happen every day with thousands of patients who now know what I know about beating the healthcare system and getting the best patient care...Patient Best.

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}


This blog provides general information and discussions about health and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, or in any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment. If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your healthcare provider or seek other professional medical treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something that has been read on this blog or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately. The opinions and views expressed on this blog and website have no relation to those of any academic, hospital, health practice or other institution. Nor does this material constitute a provider-patient relationship between the reader and the author.