“Why I’m frustrated and I just want to scream at her!”

Suzanne FiscelIa, PA-C, BCPA / January 25, 2022

I am so sick and tired of mom not making it to the bathroom at night and then having to change her pajamas! She refuses to wear a pad or pull-ups. She is so unreasonable!” 

These were the words of my brother who is the caregiver for mom. Actually, he was a bit more detailed and added some words I can’t print in a post, but I bet you can share his frustration.

On my next visit, when getting ready for bed, mom overlooked the pull-ups lying next to her pajamas and started to get ready.

I asked, “Mom, do you know you have accidents at night?” She had no problem answering “yes” and admitting she has to change her pajamas. I told her that is what the pull-ups were for. Again, she had no problem answering, “They are ugly. I am not going to wear a diaper!”

Finally, a solution…

Oh my, I finally understood. She felt humiliated at the thought of wearing a diaper. And indeed, that is exactly what this huge, white thing looked like. I asked if she would like me to try and find something else and readily agreed.

I found at the drug store some nice pink pullups with flowers and purchased a size that would fit snuggly on her. Then, took all her old underwear out of her drawer and replaced them with the new ones. I laid them out with her pajamas. Again, she overlooked them, and I reminded her to put them on. She said, “But you don’t wear underwear to bed!”  I reminded her of her little problem with the bathroom, she agreed she had the problem and put the pull-ups on. She loved them and said, “They are so pretty!”

Not easy, but manageable…

We still need to lay them out and tell her to put them on because she is not used to wearing underwear with pajamas. However, the lesson learned here is getting to the bottom of the refusal. Sometimes we are so used to adversity that we forget we can solve many problems by getting to the root. Dealing with someone with dementia can make it more challenging; you may have to ask more questions over time. But, in many cases, it can be done.

Caregiving for someone with failing health is an art. Kat Schwarzhoff, who has 30 years of experience in senior care knows exactly what the problem is and has solved it for hundreds of our members.

Now understand, that there is NEVER only one solution. In fact, one solution rarely works. We offer SEVEN solutions until we find the one that works.

Go ahead and connect with Kat at Kat@CaregiverHaven.com and ask her if she has any spots open to help you with your caregiving issues.

If not, then pick up a copy of the ULTIMATE CAREGIVER’S GUIDE | Common Sense Senior Care. It’s our “textbook” every one of our members use to guide them through their senior care experience.

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Suzanne FiscelIa, PA-C, BCPA

I know exactly what it's like to feel like you just can't keep up. Working a full-time job, raising 3 children as a single mom, and taking care of her aging mother. But after feeling lost, overwhelmed, and guilty for spreading herself too thin, I saw all her patients and their caregivers going through the same thing. I learned how to put simple systems in place to keep my life free from distractions, find free time to do the things I wanted, and enjoy my family along the way. These simple step-by-step solutions have been shared with my patients, friends, and family. They too have found organization, confidence, peace, and freedom. Now we all live the life we love while caregiving! Come join us!

Hi I'm Suzanne

And my mission is to find you practical easy-to-follow solutions for everyday caregiving. Find out more HERE.

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